Didn't you know it was "ME?"

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself”

George Orwell

---

Who knew it was me?

Did you know it was me?

Laying there, helpless, afraid, alone

Somebody had to know it was me.

Pain struck a nerve the moment that I stood up from the floor.

Nothing seemed more impossible,

unattainable, and my body felt sore.

From a day's fight, I rested,

Hoping to replenish my strength that was gone.

I was already 6 months pregnant, with a baby on the way that I could have lost.

Feet swollen; breasts engorged,

Head pounding,

It struck a chord.

Didn't you know it was me?

Laying there, helpless, afraid, alone

Didn't you know it was me?

Somebody had to know it was me.

She moved gently in my tummy as if to say I’m ok

And I knew it was time for me to go.

I imagined how my world immediately started to change with you on the way and more.

Your brother was waiting

And I had to make it with you

To the end of nine months

I had to see this through

I REFUSED to ACCEPT that this would be my fate.

It surely was not going to be.

Because...I endured enough,

I fought enough,

There had to be more than this for me.

I needed a clean slate,

And by God, I was going to get it.

At the end of the day, no one should be able to say:

"Didn't you know it was her

Laying there, helpless, afraid, alone

Somebody had to know it was her!"

Worst thing: You didn’t have to know…I ALREADY KNEW IT WAS ME!

And I was afraid to tell you!

Kerique Hoo-Kim