The Devil at my DOOR!

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Usually, I wouldn't be alone, but that night, I was. I patiently waited for sleep, but it never came. My mind, being restless, cycled through unraveling the day's events. Dissecting every word, every moment, every misstep that had led us here – to this dark, volatile place. We met, hoping to voice concerns that had disquieted us for so long. But instead of clarity, we found ourselves tangled in harsh words. Words that cut deep, unforgiving, irretrievable, leaving impressions that could never be undone – wounds that would never heal.

Brokenness uttered from lips that once whispered, "I love you." What could have caused us to go so terribly wrong that we didn't even have any more civility to regard the other? I left with anger searing through me and a raging fire in my veins – so hot you could feel the heat radiating from my skin. The worst part? It wasn't even close to being over. I still had so much to say.

I needed him to hear me.

I needed him to listen to my voice.

He had suppressed it for too long.

There was no more extended silence left in me to let this run its' course because I was tired.

I'd had ENOUGH!

It took some time for me to construct a strategy that would withstand the resistance I knew would come. It was inevitable, considering he was under the impression that he OWNED me. Breaking free wouldn't come easy, so I studied him. I mapped out my escape, navigating his mind's dangerous, unpredictable and unknown terrain. Because the truth is, you can never entirely know someone who doesn't care to be known; that was the most dangerous thing of all.

I needed to make it out.

WHOLE.

AND WITHOUT SURRENDER!

I had a blueprint, and it wouldn't be simple. So, I was done delaying, I was done second-guessing. I had no room for hesitation - it was time to fight! My plan was coming together and whatever was left to finalize could wait until morning. With that, I resolved to get some sleep. Tomorrow would bring the real battle; if I knew anything about him, this would be an uphill fight.

My alarm shattered the silence. I barely slept. Exhausted but determined, I got up and started my day. As I prepared, my phone buzzed—a message.

"Let's meet at noon. Try again."

I declined. My schedule won't allow it.

How about six? I countered.

"No problem. I'll stop by after my shift."

Fine.

I had some projects to finalize and couldn't be distracted, so I focused on them and worked until they were completed. I had made good with time and had just enough to spare to get home and settle. I had to be ready for anything, so I began preparing my mind and thoughts for the worst-case scenario, even if it never happened. I couldn't allow myself to become foolish in this matter.

I felt confident in myself - I knew my plan. But him? I had serious reservations. With no idea of what to expect, I braced myself for the likelihood of casualties,

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE MY ENEMY WAS A BRANDED NARCISSIST.

Looking back at how I had even gotten here made me dissatisfied and somewhat humiliated that I had let it go on for as long as it did, but I had no time for regrets. I just needed to get out.

The knock came, and it was thunderous.

The vibration, heavy!

There was such a jolting that it frazzled me.

It rattled something profound inside my core. Unsettling in a way that I could not explain. It just felt wrong. But I shook it off. I ignored my intuition and called it nerves, straightened my form, and opened the door.

Before me stood a man I had grown to love and hate in equal measure.

I expected tension.

Resistance.

Maybe even fury.

Instead,

He smiled!

Cold. Effortless. Calculated.

Alarm bells went off in my head. I had prepared for war – anger, accusations, a fight.

But a smile?

I was rattled, but I did not show it. So, I held my ground and kept my expression balanced.

Still, I suffered no fools, remaining keenly aware that he was poison. Toxic, ignorant, and deceitful. His ability to twist reality to suit his needs was not to be underestimated - he was a master of deception!

And yet…deep inside me, something still called for him.

Calling for him was not what scared me.

What terrified me the most was why those parts of me

weren't DEAD YET!

I hesitated. And before I could utter a word, my instincts screamed at me:

To Stop!

To Think!

To Prepare!

Because I needed to formulate a more tactical approach FOR THE DEVIL WHO WAS SMILING AT MY DOOR.

To be continued.

Kerique Hoo-Kim